Franklin wrote this satirical piece while serving in London as the colonial agent for several colonies. His numerous letters to London newspapers presenting the colonists’ point of view were often reprinted in colonial newspapers.

“Rules by which a GREAT EMPIRE may be reduced to a SMALL ONE”

—The Public Advertiser, London, 11 September 1773
(as printed in the Pennsylvania Gazette, 15 December 1773)

An ancient Sage boasted that tho’ he could not fiddle, he knew how to make a great city of a little one. The science that I, a modern simpleton, am about to communicate is the very reverse.

I address myself to all Ministers who have the management of extensive dominions, which from their very greatness are become troublesome to govern because the multiplicity of their affairs leaves no Time for fiddling.

  1. In the first place, gentlemen, you are to consider that a great Empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. Turn your attention, therefore, first to your remotest provinces, that as you get rid of them, the next may follow in order.
  2. [So] that the possibility of this separation may always exist, take special care the provinces are never incorporated with the mother country, that they do not enjoy the same common rights, the same privileges in commerce, and that they are governed by severer laws, all of your enacting, without allowing them any share in the choice of the legislators. By carefully making and preserving such distinctions, you will (to keep to my simile of the cake) act like a wise gingerbread baker who, to facilitate a division, cuts his dough half through in those places where, when baked, he would have it broken to pieces.
  3. These remote provinces have perhaps been acquired, purchased, or conquered at the sole expense of the settlers or their ancestors without the aid of the mother country. If these should happen to increase her strength by their growing numbers ready to join in her wars, her commerce by their growing demand for her manufactures, or her naval power by greater employment for her ships and seamen, they may probably suppose some merit in this, and that it entitles them to some favor. You are therefore to forget it all or resent it as if they had done you Injury. If they happen to be zealous Whigs, friends of liberty, nurtured in revolution principles, remember all that to their prejudice and resolve to punish it: for such principles, after a revolution is thoroughly established, are of no more use; they are even odious and abominable.
  4. However peaceably your colonies have submitted to your government, shown their affection to your interests, and patiently borne their grievances, you are to suppose them always inclined to revolt and treat them accordingly. Quarter troops among them, who by their insolence may provoke the rising of mobs, and by their bullets and bayonets suppress them. By this means, like the husband who uses his wife ill from suspicion, you may in time convert your suspicions into realities.
  5. Remote provinces must have Governors and Judges to represent the Royal Person and execute everywhere the delegated parts of his office and authority. You ministers know that much of the strength of government depends on the opinion of the people; and much of that opinion on the choice of rulers placed immediately over them. If you send them wise and good men for governors, who study the interest of the colonists and advance their prosperity, they will think their king wise and good and that he wishes the welfare of his subjects. If you send them learned and upright men for Judges, they will think him a lover of justice. This may attach your provinces more to his government. You are, therefore, to be careful who you recommend for those offices.  If you can find prodigals who have ruined their fortunes, broken gamesters or stock-jobbers, these may do well as Governors for they will probably be rapacious and provoke the people by their extortions. Wrangling Proctors and pettyfogging Lawyers, too, are not amiss, for they will be forever disputing and quarrelling with their little parliaments. If withal, they should be ignorant, wrong-headed and insolent, so much the better. Attorneys Clerks and Newgate Solicitors will do for Chief Justices, especially if they hold their places during your pleasure. And all will contribute to impress those ideas of your government that are proper for a people you would wish to renounce it.
  6. To confirm these impressions and strike them deeper, whenever the injured come to the capital with complaints of mal-administration, oppression, or injustice, punish such suitors with long delay, enormous expense, and a final judgment in favor of the oppressor. This will have an admirable effect every way. The trouble of future complaints will be prevented, and Governors and Judges will be encouraged to further acts of oppression and injustice, and thence the people may become more disaffected and at length desperate.
  7. When such Governors have crammed their coffers and made themselves so odious to the people that they can no longer remain among them with safety to their persons, recall and reward them with pensions. You may make them Baronets too, if that respectable order should not think fit to resent it. All will contribute to encourage new Governors in the same practices and make the supreme government detestable.
  8. If when you are engaged in war, your colonies should vie in liberal aids of men and money against the common enemy upon your simple requisition, and give far beyond their abilities. Reflect that a penny taken from them by your power is more honorable to you than a pound presented by their benevolence. Despise, therefore, their voluntary grants, and resolve to harass them with novel taxes. They will probably complain to your parliaments that they are taxed by a body in which they have no representative, and that this is contrary to common right. They will petition for redress. Let the parliaments flout their claims, reject their petitions, refuse even to suffer the reading of them, and treat the petitioners with the utmost contempt. Nothing can have a better effect in producing the alienation proposed, for though many can forgive injuries, none ever forgave contempt.
  9. In laying these taxes, never regard the heavy burdens those remote people already undergo in defending their own frontiers, supporting their own provincial govern-ments, making new roads, building bridges, churches, and other public edifices, which in old countries have been done to your hands by your ancestors, but which occasion [cause] constant calls and demands on the purses of a new people. Forget the restraints you lay on their trade for your own benefit and the advantage a monopoly of this trade gives your exacting merchants. Think nothing of the wealth those merchants and your manufacturers acquire by the colony commerce, their increased ability thereby to pay taxes at home, their accumulating in the price of their commodities most of those taxes, and so levying them from their consuming customers. All this, and the employment and support of thousands of your poor by the colonists, you are entirely to forget. But remember to make your arbitrary tax more grievous to your provinces by public declarations importing that your power of taxing them has no limits, so that when you take from them without their consent one shilling in the pound, you have a clear right to the other nineteen. This will probably weaken every idea of security in their property and convince them that under such a government they have nothing they can call their own, which can scarce fail of producing the happiest consequences!
  10. Possibly, indeed, some of them might still comfort themselves and say, “Though we have no property, we have yet something left that is valuable; we have constitutional liberty both of person and of conscience. This King, these Lords, and these Commons,3 who it seems are too remote from us to know us and feel for us, cannot take from us our Habeas Corpus right or our right of trial by a jury of our neighbors. They cannot deprive us of the exercise of our religion, alter our ecclesiastical constitutions, and compel us to be Papists [Roman Catholics] if they please, or Mahometans [Muslims].” To annihilate this comfort, begin by laws to perplex their commerce with infinite regulations, impossible to be remembered and observed. Ordain seizures of their property for every failure. Take away the trial of such property by jury, and give it to arbitrary Judges of your own appointing and of the lowest characters in the country, whose salaries and emoluments are to arise out of the duties or condemnations [of property], and whose appointments are during pleasure. Then let there be a formal declaration of both houses that opposition to your edicts is treason, and that persons suspected of treason in the provinces may, according to some obsolete law, be seized and sent to the metropolis of the empire for trial [London]; and pass an act that those there charged with certain other offenses shall be sent away in chains from their friends and country to be tried in the same manner for felony. Then erect a new Court of Inquisition among them, accompanied by an armed force, with instructions to transport all such suspected persons, to be ruined by the expense if they bring over evidences to prove their innocence, or be found guilty and hanged if they can’t afford it. And lest the people should think you cannot possibly go any farther, pass another solemn declaratory act that “King, Lords, and Commons had, hath, and of right ought to have, full power and authority to make statutes of sufficient force and validity to bind the unrepresented provinces IN ALL CASES WHATSOEVER.”4 This will include spiritual with temporal, and taken together must operate wonderfully to your purpose by convincing them that they are at present under a power something like that spoken of in the scriptures, which cannot only kill their bodies but damn their souls to all eternity by compelling them, if it pleases, to worship the Devil.
  11. To make your taxes more odious and more likely to procure resistance, send from the capital a board of officers to superintend the collection, composed of the most indiscrete, ill-bred, and insolent you can find. Let these have large salaries out of the extorted revenue and live in open grating luxury upon the sweat and blood of the industrious, whom they are to worry continually with groundless and expensive prosecutions before the above-mentioned arbitrary revenue Judges, all at the cost of the party prosecuted, tho’ acquitted, because the King is to pay no costs. Let these men by your order be exempted from all the common taxes and burdens of the province, though they and their property are protected by its laws. If any revenue officers are suspected of the least tenderness for the people, discard them. If others are justly complained of, protect and reward them. If any of the under-officers behave so as to provoke the people to drub [criticize harshly] them, promote those to better offices: this will encourage others to procure for themselves such profitable drub-bings by multiplying and enlarging such provocations, and all will work towards the end you aim at.
  12. Another way to make your tax odious is to misapply the produce of it. If it was originally appropriated for the defense of the provinces, the better support of government and the administration of justice where it may be necessary, then apply none of it to that defense, but bestow it where it is not necessary in augmented salaries or pensions to every Governor who has distinguished himself by his enmity to the people, and by calumniating them to their Sovereign. This will make them pay it more unwillingly and be more apt to quarrel with those that collect it and those that imposed it, who will quarrel again with them, and all shall contribute to your main purpose of making them weary of your government.
  13. If the people of any province have been accustomed to support their own Governors and Judges to satisfaction, you are to apprehend that such Governors and Judges may be thereby influenced to treat the people kindly and to do them justice. This is another reason for applying part of that revenue in larger salaries to such Governors and Judges, given, as their commissions are, during your pleasure only, forbidding them to take any salaries from their provinces, that thus the people may no longer hope any kindness from their Governors or (in Crown cases) any justice from their Judges. And as the money thus misapplied in one province is extorted from all, probably all will resent the misapplication.
  14. If the parliaments of your provinces should dare to claim rights or complain of your administration, order them to be harassed with repeated dissolutions.5 If the same men are continually returned by new elections, adjourn their meetings to some country village where they cannot be accommodated and there keep them during pleasure. For this, you know, is your PREROGATIVE, and an excellent one it is, as you may manage it to promote discontents among the people, diminish their respect, and increase their disaffection.
  15. Convert the brave honest officers of your navy into pimping tide-waiters and colony officers of the customs. Let those who in time of war fought gallantly in defense of the commerce of their countrymen, in peace be taught to prey upon it. Let them learn to be corrupted by great and real smugglers; but (to show their diligence) scour with armed boats every bay, harbor, river, creek, cove or nook throughout the coast of your colonies. Stop and detain every coaster, every wood-boat, every fisherman, tumble their cargoes and even their ballast inside out and upside down, and if a penn’orth of pins is found unentered,6 let the whole be seized and confiscated. Thus shall the trade of your colonists suffer more from their friends in time of peace than it did from their enemies in war. Then let these boats’ crews land upon every farm in their way, rob the orchards, steal the pigs and poultry, and insult the inhabitants. If the injured and exasperated farmers, unable to procure other justice, should attack the aggressors, drub [beat] them and burn their boats, you are to call this high treason and rebellion, order fleets and armies into their country and threaten to carry all the offenders three thousand miles [to Britain] to be hanged, drawn and quartered. O! This will work admirably!
  16. If you are told of discontents in your colonies, never believe that they are general or that you have given occasion [cause] for them. Therefore, do not think of applying any remedy or of changing any offensive measure. Redress no grievance lest they should be encouraged to demand the redress of some other grievance. Grant no request that is just and reasonable lest they should make another that is unreasonable. Take all your informations of the state of the colonies from your Governors and Officers in enmity with them. Encourage and reward these leasing-makers; secrete [keep secret] their lying accusations lest they should be confuted [refuted; proven wrong]; but act upon them as the clearest evidence and believe nothing you hear from the friends of the people. Suppose all their complaints to be invented and promoted by a few factious demagogues whom, if you could catch and hang, all would be quiet. Catch and hang a few of them accordingly, and the blood of the Martyrs shall work miracles in favor of your purpose.
  17. If you see rival nations rejoicing at the prospect of your disunion with your provinces and endeavoring to promote it; if they translate, publish and applaud all the complaints of your discontented colonists, at the same time privately stimulating you to severer measures; let not that alarm or offend you. Why should it? since you all mean the same thing.
  18. If any colony should, at their own charge, erect a fortress to secure their port against the fleets of a foreign enemy, get your Governor to betray that fortress into your hands.7 Never think of paying what it cost the country for that would look, at least, like some regard for justice; but turn it into a citadel to awe the inhabitants and curb their commerce. If they should have lodged in such fortress the very arms they bought and used to aid you in your conquests, seize them all; it will provoke like ingratitude added to robbery. One admirable effect of these operations will be to discourage every other colony from erecting such defenses, and so your enemies may more easily invade them to the great disgrace of your government and, of course, the furtherance of your project.
  19. Send armies into their country under pretense of protecting the inhabitants, but instead of garrisoning the forts on their frontiers with those troops to prevent incursions, demolish those forts and order the troops into the heart of the country [so] that the savages may be encouraged to attack the frontiers and that the troops may be protected by the inhabitants. This will seem to proceed from your ill will or your ignorance and contribute farther to produce and strengthen an opinion among them that you are no longer fit to govern them.
  20. Lastly, invest the General of your army in the provinces with great and unconstitutional powers, and free him from the control of even your own Civil Governors. Let him have troops enough under his command, with all the fortresses in his possession, and who knows but (like some provincial Generals in the Roman empire and encouraged by the universal discontent you have produced) he may take it into his head to set up for himself. If he should, and you have carefully practiced these few excellent rules of mine, take my word for it, all the provinces will immediately join him, and you will that day (if you have not done it sooner) get rid of the trouble of governing them and all the plagues attending their commerce and connection, from thenceforth and forever.

Q. E. D.

Of course, Franklin is being satirical here but as we know, DJT is not smart enough to understand satire so let’s take Franklin’s points and compare them to the MAGA agenda as they work to take a great nation (the USA) and downgrade it to a new status as “shithole former empire.”  Trump has used this roadmap with his real estate holdings and now he is taking a great country and making it into a slum that he can manage. (I will not repeat Franklin’s argument below just show how Trump is following the plan to diminish our nation).

  1. DOGE started by eliminating our hegemony and soft power worldwide by cutting the charity and aid we supply to “third world” countries.  The idea of “third world” was focused on spheres of influence (1st world = Europe and USA, 2nd world = Communist nations, 3rd world = undeveloped countries that are not in 1 or 2).  By pulling out of the 3rd world, we are BY DEFINITION, ceding our ability to influence these countries to the 2nd world.  Trump is EXPANDING COMMUNISM and shrinking the influence and security of the USA.
  2. This one often gets overlooked; there are so many horrible things that it’s hard to keep them all on the list.  The USA is not just a country; we are an empire.  We have colonies, namely Pacific islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands (there are more).  The Trump administration has REPEATEDLY referred to these as foreign countries!  WTF!  These are AMERICANS.  Why would Trump suggest that Canada become the 51st State, which they don’t want but reject the idea that we should grant that status to Puerto Rico, which has repeatedly asked to join the union.  Trump bases all his decisions on racism and, of course, Puerto Rico has a Hispanic culture (like 60% of the continental USA) and in doing so, he is cutting off key parts of our nation.
  3. Following WWII, the American Empire expanded geometrically.  We occupied Germany, Italy, and Japan and as the USA ascended to superpower status, our bases were spread all over the globe.  Pulling out of key alliances, like NATO, weakens the USA. 
  4. One sure-fire way to CAUSE and insurrection is to put down one that has not occurred.  This is what Trump did in California when he sent MARINES and National Guard to Los Angeles.
  5. Image what Franklin would have thought of Trump’s cabinet, let alone all the hangers on like Musk…  Cronyism run amuck!  Now add the constant mafia style “influence” Trump commands in Congress and the “red states,” and you have exactly it issue Franklin is complaining about.
  6. MAGA and Project 2025 have conspired to corrupt our courts so fully that illegal acts by the government are rubber stamped by the Supreme Court.
  7. Can anyone say Oligarchy…  Yet again we steal from the poor to line the pockets of the rich.  This, BTW, is what fueled the Terror in Revolutionary France so at least we know the next steps to take.
  8. Franklin talks about taxes but lets apply the argument to those who gave their lives, their country, and their loyalty to the USA in Afghanistan only to be cast aside by a draft dodging loser a few years later and threatened with deportation (which will result in execution).  Don’t be surprised when these SOLDIERS fight back.
  9. American businesses operate globally.  We developed strong relationships with key countries all around the world and this relationship is strengthened by trade — or weakened by trade restrictions and tariffs.  By engaging in capricious and unjustified trade war, by cutting off contact with other countries, by enraging our trading partners through on again/off again tariffs we are destroying both the economy and, more importantly, the good name and credit of the USA.
  10. This one is obvious.  Suspending Habeas Corpus, making capricious claims of treason, threatening judges with impeachment, punishing cities and states for not cooperating with illegal activities, all these are undermining the very ideal of constitutional democracy.
  11. Let’s see, “indiscrete, ill-bred, and insolent” seems Franklin knew Elon Musk before the man was born.  I guess there have always been self-centered, luddites who rise to power and prominence, but this administration seems to attract them like flies.
  12. Misappropriation of funds has always been job one for Donald Trump.  Now he just ignores the Constitution, ignores Congress, ignores the courts and literally steals government funds, refuses to pay contracts, withholds payments to extort support or acquiescence, and blames others for his actions.
  13. Trump made his name on the phrase “your fired.”  It’s really the only thing he knows how to do.  Once there is no longer a functional government and everything is in shambles, he will be in the same place as all his other businesses, but we can’t declare bankruptcy as a country, so everybody loses.
  14. Trump has threatened to impeach, arrest, or simply deport anyone who dares to question his policies, including judges, governors, and journalist.  The man is truly a piece of shit, and he makes the actions of Parliament and George III look civil and supportive by comparison.
  15. This paragraph describes ICE to a T.  I’m not sure why, but customs officers are so easily corrupted into being Gestapo.  In Franklin’s time we worried about simple theft of goods and over taxation.  Trump prefers concentration camps and summary executions of people he considers “foreign.”
  16. You know the wheels are coming off the bus when even the people of your own party can no longer trust you without active coercion. 
  17. We aren’t here yet, but we are close.  Just watch how many people cheer when the USA slides from its Most Prosperous Superpower status to “worse than Mexico.  It’s coming.  We will have our standard of living drop and soon we will all be learning Chinese just the way the whole world has had to learn English for the last 300 years.
  18. This is a bit of a stretch but as I read this all I could think about was Ukraine.  Here they are, fighting for their existence and all Trump wants to do is play game and see if he can make a “deal.”  Well, this sort of deal is paid for in the lives of thousands of people.  It’s immoral.
  19. With climate change, every administration has had to deal with disasters.  That is why we have (had) FEMA.  Trump and Musk, however, used FEMA to collect data on people so that they could manipulate or in some cases extort them. 
  20. This is, of course, the natural consequence of bad government.  Eventually, if left unchecked, the Trump administration will do to our great nation what DJT did to Atlantic City Casino and other thriving businesses.  Run it into the ground and destroy it.  When he is done, if we don’t stop him, nothing will be left, and the union will have no other recourse than to dissolve. 

This, of course, is just a subset of the problems we have lived through for the last six months.  Trump is a pirate — hostis humani generis (enemy of all mankind).  Like every pirate before him, he cares only about plunder and deserves to be hanged.  Hopefully it will not come to quite that extreme, but we are on a collision course with the Terror of 1793. 

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Published by Michael Carver

My goal is to bring history alive through interactive portrayal of ordinary American life in the late 18th Century (1750—1799) My persona are: Journeyman Brewer; Cordwainer (leather tradesman but not cobbler), Statesman and Orator; Chandler (candle and soap maker); Gentleman Scientist; and, Soldier in either the British Regular Army, the Centennial Army, or one of the various Militia. Let me help you experience history 1st hand!